Creating healthy boundaries without feeling guilty

Here, intuitive advice columnist DearJames answers a question from someone who recently ended a bad relationship, and wants to know how to move on without feeling guilty.

From serious to silly, monumental to mundane, or somewhere in between, DearJames responds to questions asked by his readers. The answers may be just what you were looking for, or may provide you with a whole new perspective on things.
The question

I have recently left an abusive relationship. I am emotionally stuck, as I never have felt so much hate from another person before. I am getting older and want to know if there may be a healthy relationship in my future. Also, I want to grow spiritually so this never happens again. I want to create loving and healthy boundaries with my family and friends without feeling guilty if I do not do what they want.

DearJames answers: Moving on after a relationship

Guilt is one of those wasted emotions you will want to spend very little time with… in the future. Like all emotions, guilt is one that can consume the better part of you: leaving little else for your self.

Know that underdeveloped self-esteem lies at the heart of what ails you: and when you move to strengthen it: all will come into alignment.

Abusive/toxic people are attracted to those they believe they are able to manipulate and/or control. Kudos to you for physically removing yourself from such an environment: however, as you are already experiencing: the real work lies in moving beyond the lesson emotionally.

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Seek to involve yourself in self-empowering/self-motivating classes, support groups, etc., like public speaking and self-defense classes.

These activities and others will serve to strengthen your inner chi — your inner life force. And you are never too old to discover this wellspring of wisdom, strength and empowerment.

They will bring out the best in you… your Inner Voice: the voice of your formidable spirit. Thus an internal transformation will occur, raising your level of self-esteem and self-awareness while establishing boundaries with others.

From this enlightened and expanded perspective: you will be able to see your self more clearly: and subsequently the motivations and intentions behind your every word, deed and action. This will bring you to a place of greater self-centeredness: that which knows itself and is in balance.

Once you have mastered these truths: you will be ready for a loving, long and healthy relationship.One built upon trust in self, before blindly entrusting others.

Know you are closer than you realize to achieving these heartfelt goals: you need only release the residue of the past while willfully claiming your future.

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